I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just invented taco cereal.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
