Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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