I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
