So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
