Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
