Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
