Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
