I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
