she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
