somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just google imaged poop.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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