38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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