u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
