FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize