Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
