You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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