I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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