So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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