Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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