At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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