I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
