why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize