i wish semen tasted like chocolate
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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