just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
