He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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