Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
