sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
