We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
