the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
