I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
