Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
