Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
