last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
