I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
