Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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