Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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