i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
