I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
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