these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
