My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
