Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
