I didn't shave. On purpose
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
