Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
