i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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