Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
