Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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