Don't make out with my wife yet
i already hear my dad disowning me
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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