i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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