absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
zippers are such a cool invention
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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