Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
