I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
