I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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