If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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