i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
