hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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