did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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