nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You ruined the universe
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
