i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
