It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
