Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
