youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
