remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it's like iHOP with fire
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize