I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I will pee on everything he values.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
