I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
