That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
