I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
