oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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