Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
