its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
