In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
