I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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