I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
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