Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
