I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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