I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
