xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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