you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
