I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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