The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
