its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I cockslap morals
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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