Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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