a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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