I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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