I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
There r osticjed everywhere
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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