Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
