I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
