Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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