Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
