I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
