you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
