Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
