the condom got lost in my hair
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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