and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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