I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
