You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
