so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
that is very illegal...i love you.
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