im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
