Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
