I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
