We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
