clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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