turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
