All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
