i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
