i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just cropdusted the office
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
