he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
