Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
