I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
