I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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