When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
