i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
