Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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