i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
